Monday, April 24, 2006

Current mood is ...

not bad.

Check back regularly for updates!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

From now on, I'm getting my news from Xinhua Online

I'm sure everybody's been following the controversy at Duke University about a black stripper alleging she was assaulted and raped at a men's lacrosse team party. Yesterday they arrested two of the players and their idenities were revealed. One is named "Reade" and the other is "Collin." Some articles have talked about how they come from wealthy families, etc. It took me a lot of reading to get all this information.

Then I came across this Chinese news Web site, Xinhua Online. They have made it so you don't even have to read the article. Everything you need to know is in the headline.

Excellent photo too.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006


So, here we are at the National Mall. A fairly well organized protest. Some reports say there were half a million people in attendance. You can't just drive up and park here. So people came in on buses and subways. There were volunteers with megaphones at train stations to shepherd people on and off the trains.

The scene on the Mall was a little odd to say the least. Folks were waving American flags all over the place. There were chants of "USA! USA! USA!" Which is generally quite nauseating. Except here it somehow wasn't so much. And it was a good strategy too. Because at all the previous rallies, the press would run a photo of somebody holding up a Mexican flag and say, "See? They don't love America!" or "See? They want to try and reclaim the Southwest!"

People were here to protest the proposed election-year legislation that would make the presence of undocumented workers a felony. But I don't think there was a strong focus on a specific goal beyond that. The organizers trotted out a drunk Ted Kennedy to drum up support for a bill (that he's co-sponsoring with John McCain no less) that would essentially make it easier for American business owners to continue exploiting low-wage or no-wage workers. Kennedy, with the help of a translator, tried to play up the notion that many in the crowd were responsible citizens, and that they would be productive members of society.
"Do you love your children?"
"Do you have a good job?"
"Do you love America?"
"Do you follow the law?"
"Do you participate in the community?"
These are all questions he asked, expecting to get a resounding "Yes" or "Si" each time in response.
As you might have guessed, he lost most people on the "Do you have a good job?" question.
He eventually ended his speech with a few Si Se Puede's.

More people spoke. A student led the crowd in the Pledge of Allegiance. The Cardinal gave a speech. The crowd soon realized that they could silence any speaker by chanting "Si se puede" or "USA!" I think this power was abused on more than one occasion.

At one point, Congressman Turdbucket from Maryland spoke. He seemed to be excited about the signs and chants that proclaimed, "Today we march! Tomorrow we vote!"
He took the stage, introduced himself, then proceeded to yell to the crowd such things as, "This is so great! What a wonderful day!" The translator translated. There was a boring silence. Then he continued, "YOU ARE ALL BEAUTIFUL!" His translator echoed him "Ustedes son bonitos." The crowd didn't exactly react enthusiastically.
A loud, very frustrated voice from behind me yells back, "Queremos PAPELES!" (We want papers!)
That was generally agreed upon to be the best line of the day.

So obviously phallic.

Of course, I'm talking about the bulge in that guy's pants.

This guy in the front, it looks like he's saying, "Hey, man! I hope you don't work for the newspaper! Don't be publishing photos of me picking my nose at the rally, man."

Sorry, man.
Gotta represent the Fourth Estate. Bringing the truth to the people.

Monday, April 10, 2006

Movie Review: Tsotsi a.k.a. "The Gods Must Be Crazy Part VI"

Why Part VI? Well, as we all know, there's already "The Gods Must Be Crazy Part II." It came out in '89.
"Right!" you say. "But that's where the "The Gods Must Be Crazy" franchise ended!"
Aha! That's just what Hollywood wants you to think. However, in 1991, the Chinese made "The Gods Must Be Crazy Part III"! (a.k.a. "Vampires Must Be Crazy" a.k.a. "Crazy Safari")
It wasn't very groundbreaking. A story that's been done a million times before:
Two guys, one of them a magician, are transporting an ancient Chinese vampire who can only be controlled by a series of yellow tapes, and is the ancestor of the other guy ... Blah, blah, blah. We know. We know. We've heard it before.

"Well then there were only two sequels?" you foolishly ask.
Don't forget about "The Gods Must Be Crazy part IV"! which was also given the onomatopoeic title "Heonggong ya fungkwong."
"Wait," you say. "A.k.a. 'Crazy Hong Kong'?"

"So what about 'The Gods Must Be Crazy Part V'?" you ask.
"The Gods Must Be Crazy Part V" a.k.a. "The Gods Must Be Funny in China" is an existential comedy set in modern-day China. It concerns a bushman stranded in China after somehow getting there while attending the All-China conference in Swaziland. He needs money to get back to the Kalahari and is working in advertising and later, a bad guy tries to capture a panda. Then there's a foot race, and so on and so on and so on.

Of course, the only reason I mention "The Gods Must Be Crazy Part I" is because both it and "Tsotsi" are set in Africa.
That was a dumb comparison to make I suppose.
Also in "The Gods Must Be Crazy Part I," there was something about a bottle falling from the sky.
I had a bottle in the theater.

In summary, You Must Be Crazy if you don't see "Tsotsi."

Movie Review: Thank You For Smoking


Milestones in Advertising

"The Savory Cafe." God, what a lie.

The "Austin Grill." Neon sign on the left says "Hello, stranger!"
Oh yeaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Austin cuisine!!!!!
Is that what God eats?

The "Victory Tower." In smaller letters, "A Senior Apartment Community."

Dear old people,
There are many different kinds of "victories."
You gained a victory during World War 2. That's true. Congratulations on that.
Being dumped off to die in this building is also a kind of victory.
Get comfortable, champs.

A: Look, Barbara! "Chop Sticks Restaurant." That sounds wicked delicious!!
B: Hmm... I'm worried, Chet. Is it a classy enough joint for a couple of slick white folks like us?
A: You know, Barb, I was worried about that too. But then I saw that sign in the window and it put all my fears to rest.
B: Fuckin' awesome! Let's go in!

This bar actually has a pretty good happy hour.
Fuckin' Golden Tee's out of order though.

Friday, April 07, 2006

Movie Review: Chopper

This particular fellow is violent. He shoots people with a gun. He stabs folks with a knife. He's Australian. He headbutts a hooker's mom.
Entertaining though this may sound, we learn that the cycle of violence never ends, leading to such things as the World Trade Center getting blowed up.
Also he gets his ears cut off. This leads to a scene where he's enjoying a beer with his dad and his dad raises his can and toasts, "Cheers, Big ears!"
If you don't think that particular brand of humor is funny, then you probably won't like this movie much.
Also, you probably lead an uninspired life.
Also, were they speaking English in that movie?!
I couldn't understand a damn word.

Movie Review: Good Night and Good Luck

This guy is a great thespian of our generation. He did a good job, even in black and white.

This guy has a pretty mug.

Together, they take down the communists.

Movie Review: Grisly Man

This movie is about a fellow who likes bears pretty good.

Do the bears love him back?
HMmm ... It's tough to say.
This love story is set in beautiful Alaska.
A stellar effort by first-time helmer Verner Herzog. His "voice" is strong and clear.
I hope we'll be seeing more from him.

Saturday, April 01, 2006

OK, I'll give this a try.

Like the Magic 8 Ball, but better. A meme from La Olgita.

Instructions: Go to your music player of choice and put it on shuffle. Say the following questions aloud, and press play. Use the song title as the answer to the question. NO CHEATING.

All right, here we go. C'mon Ipod Shuffle, don't let me down!

How does the world see you?
"Bitch I'm Fuckin Your Momma," Devin the Dude

Will I have a happy life?
"Too Much Booty in the Pants," 2Live Crew

What do my friends really think of me?
"Mommy, Can I Go Out and Kill Tonight?," The Misfits

What do people secretly think of me?
"Lick it Before You Stick it," Denise LaSalle

How can I be happy?
"Fuck You," Millie Jackson

What should I do with my life?
"Bend Over I'll Drive," The Cramps

Will I ever have children?
"Back that Ass Up," Juvenile

What is some good advice for me?
"Hump-A-Baby," Little Ritchie Ray

How will I be remembered?
"Toast to the Pussy," Devin the Dude (featuring Twista)

What is my signature dancing song?
"Azz and Tittiez," Three-Six Mafia

What do I think my current theme song is?
"Butt-A-Cize," Millie Jackson

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?
"Never Been Touched Like This," Denise LaSalle

What song will play at my funeral?
"Pussy, Weed, Alcohol," Devin the Dude

What type of men/women do you like?
"Can Your Pussy Do the Dog?," The Cramps

What is my day going to be like?
"99 Red Balloons," Nena
Blog tracker