Thursday, September 28, 2006

Mid-South Fair Review

We happened to be visiting the fair on ball-shaving day!

La Ruca and I dined on our usual fare of lentejas and deep-fried candy bars on a stick.

Mr. Munchie what?! If Bruce Lee were alive today, he would have issued a thorough beat-down on these fools. Sadly, he is not.

And I was powerless to do anything, so I ordered some nachos. The egg roll was pretty good too.

I can't even begin to describe how awesome the human spider was.
I'll bet you didn't think she'd have a gold tooth.

I can't eat any more Pronto Pups.

Thursday, September 14, 2006

City Review: Memphis

Beale Street on a slow night.

Folks in these parts like to rip out the stomach bones from pigs and cook 'em up. These are from Blues City Cafe on Beale St.

Same restaurant. This sexy little number is a beef tamale. Ehh, whatever. Shut up.

This piece is part of the Jim Neely exhibit that was at MOMA in 2003. It was created in what art critics now call his "blue phase." Notice how Jesus Christ, symbolizing the impoverishing effects of capitalism, is represented by a jolly amputee swine with a highway going directly to his ribs. The radar gun on the top left, or "Satan's watchful eye" if you will, keeps tabs on gluttonous sinners speeding down the highway to delicious pork ribs that cost $16.95 for a full rack, including sides. An excellent example of chiaroscuro.

And here is capitalism herself.
Delicious, tender capitalism that falls right off the bone.
Counter-clockwise from beans: Beans, slaw, white bread, chopped up captitalism shoulder, capitalism on the bone.

Every year, fans of Elvis gather in front of his Graceland mansion on the anniversary of his death. They hold candles, visit his grave, act somber, reminisce about the good ole days. After a few hours, when they're so wasted, they totally flip out and start wailing on each other. And then the sacrifice of the pretty virgin goat.

In case anyone's wondering how my retirement investments are doing. In my Roth IRA, stupid #4 couldn't beat stupid #6. I mean, uh, the emerging markets fund isn't faring well because of the recession.

Rendezvous BBQ. This is where Bush and the Japanese prime minister ate together this summer, while they talked about important world affairs.
"Hey is it true that in Japan you can get a young lady's drawers from a vending machine?"
Pictured: more pig bones. And some chopped up pig flesh.

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

Rob a jewelry store and tell em make me a grill

Let you see my what?!

La Ruca gettin' her grill straight.

Friday, September 08, 2006

New Guidelines

Good news! There have been some new guidelines established, as set forth by our fair governor:

1. You can say whatever thought just popped into your mind, as long as it's intended to be off the record.

2. If you're not sure if something is inappropriate to say, especially if you're the Governor of California, the way to tell is to imagine if your children said it. Would it sound bad if they said it? Then it might be bad.

Personally, I don't take any chances. What I like to do is write it down on an index card, then give it to my 7-year old and have him read it aloud. This is the only sure way to tell.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Friend Review: Gomez

File this under Statements I Read Today That Made Me Laugh, Then Made Me Cry:

"I think I'll be able to stay up until midnight to watch the Redskins-Cowboys game."

"Ha ha ha ha! Oh, boy ... That's rich!"

Movie Review: Miami Vice

I received a ton of e-mails from loyal blog readers asking me to review this movie, so here goes. Just stop crashing the server!

Colin Farell really was the star of this movie, playing the role of Don Johnson. I understand he did a lot of research for the role, which explains why he was so convincing. Sometimes I felt like he wasn't even acting! That's how good he was. The other fellow, Tubbs, wasn't nearly as good, however. He barely even acted like a cop, much less a Miami cop. He seemed a little too effiminate. But somehow, the two of them together, they had some good on-screen chemistry. The screen sizzled! I've seen this movie 7 times already. And somehow, I never get tired of it. I guess my only complaint, and maybe it's just me, but didn't it seem like he had his shirt off almost the entire movie?

And the special effects and lighting weren't very good either. Oh well. Collin's a sure bet to win the oscar for best actor in a romantic comedy.

And possibly "Best Onscreen Kiss" at the MTV Movie Awards.

Movie Review: Invincible

Quite possibly Hollywood has finally achieved cinematic perfection.
Marc Wahlberg was fantastic. He totally nailed that role!

'Course, I think he knows that.

What really did it for me was at the end when they tell us it was a true story. Holy cow!

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